come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
