my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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