Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize