Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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