Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
