I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
