ugly people sure do ruin things
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize