Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
