Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize