Ambien. No doubt about it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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