Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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