he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
