what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
