If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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