We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
