Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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