Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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