Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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