I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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