He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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