you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize