ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
