Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
