You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
