I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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