bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize