I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
