No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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