there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
