Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she told me i tasted like america
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
