omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
