I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
