so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize