His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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