is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
