the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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