she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
