You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
