In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize