so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
