My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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