So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
