I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
