It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
