It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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