i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
