a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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