hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
