I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
