A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
