There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
