my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He shit in the fireplace
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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