There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
