Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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