And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
