Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
