Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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