would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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