OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
