dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize