The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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