The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
