I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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