I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
