Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
