She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
