They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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