btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
