Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please don't give away my fajitas
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
