omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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